Memories are full of mirth and they play tricks on your mind like a teasing-loving but pretty schoolgirl. I went to bed in March 13, 2001 working for Vons-Coronado as their wine guy and I woke up today in 2013 working for Vons-Coronado. My recollections in between those dates are like whipped cream clouds sailing across the hungry man in the moon and then disappearing into the starry night. Did I work for Avenue Liquor, Wally’s Marketplace, the Wine Bank, Harvest Ranck Markets and Fifty-Seven Degrees Wine Shoppe? or have I been doing a Rip van Winkle dreaming these memories up?
I looked at the firetruck red numbers on my dusty plastic digital clock and I knew that I needed to get work, pronto. I get into my fifthy “car wash,please!”truck and headed down scenic 163 towards the sky blue bridge that replaced the dilapated but charming ferry boats what seems like a millunium ago.
Traffic was light going accross the bridge and I found myself going down the road and looked at a very familar sign that was very different. Welcome to Chardnado. I did a Daffy Duck double-take and almost ran off the road. This could only be the doing of one person and that was my bilionare friend, Mr. Vino
I decided to skip work and I took a left on what used to be called Orange Avenue and now was called Rombauer Avenue and then took a right up Clos Du Bois Way to what was once Ocean Boulvard was now La Crema Boulvard. I parked in front of Mr. Vino’s beach mansion and ran to the front door. I rang the doorbell and I greeted by the curvy Mary Melons was wearing a pretty short floral print dress that she modeled on the cover of last June Cosmopolitan magazine. The living Doll was holding a glass of Chardonnay in her dainty welll manicured hand.
She tattooed red lipstick on my soon blushing cheek and told me that Mr. Vino was waiting for me in the living room. Mr. Vino looked at me and began to laugh. “My friend, you’ve been sleeping a long time and while you were loudly snoring in dreamland . I decided to make some changes to our fair community. He motioned to Alfred, the butler to pour me a glass of Chardonnay.
I’ve always known that Mr. Vino has a great affinity for great wine as he does for blond Goddesses. Mr. Vino would chat for hours about great Burgundy and Bordauex but California Chardonnay that was another matter. I placed the golden wine wine under my nose and gave it a sniff, it was bursting with magical tropical fruit. The wine hit my mouth like a tsuamni and it even did a Micheal Jackson Moon-walk on my palate. It was huge and funky!
Mr Vino gave his patent pending Chesire Cat smile, “I love ZD Napa Valley Chardonnay. It is such a pretty little beast of a wine.”
I was going to ask about all the changes to our city, but he could read my mind like my sweet mother, he knew shat I was going to ask.
“I decied to make change the name of Coronado to fit the new realities of our community. Everyone in the city drinks Chardonnay. So, I decided to re-name the city, Chardnado. I gave everyone how signed the pettion for the name change a free bottle of Rombauer Chardonnay.And as fast as you can say Jack Robinson, a special election came and went and the city was renamed.”
“There was a huge party at the Hotel Del to celebrate the name change and thousand of cases of Chardonnay were given away for free to the new Chardnadoian citizens. Needless to say the gratefull citizens of chardonnay then held another special election and I became the mayor of this fine city.Then after my election a parade that rivialed our fourth of July parade and then free flowing Chardonnay again at the Hotel Del and now, we have the happiest city in the world.”
I wanted to pinch myself, awake. But instead I found comfort in another glass of beautiful Chardonnay. And I toasted with Mayor Vino to Chardnado!
Welcome to Chardnado
