The other day, I played someone who showed up late, questioned ALL my line calls, and called me some names when I had made some good shots. “You must be inspired by a demon to get that shot in.” In most cases, I remain cool-headed and calm when faced with a frustrated and vocal opponent – I tend to keep my focus on the goal at hand. This time, however, I was unable to control my emotions. After 1.5 hours of keeping quiet, I decided that it was time to let out my ‘demons.’ I started to question HIS line calls, let him know he was discourteous during points, and complained when he made some lucky shots. Yes. You guessed it. I started to ACT LIKE HIM! The bullied became the bully as well.
Hypothesis: Under pressure, our defenses eventually break down and we start to fight fire with fire.
Observations:
(1) In general, everyone is defensive. It’s only natural to try to defend your position (sometimes no matter what), because you believe it to be true. It’s super uncomfortable to allow oneself to feel vulnerable and be uncertain of yourself. But doesn’t most of our LEARNING come from those moments in time?
(2) Rising above another person’s behavior is also extremely difficult. It’s risky to try and ‘be the better’ person in certain situations. We tell kids to do this when bullied at school, for example, but it’s MUCH easier to act like the other person. I think we ask ourselves, ‘This person is acting this way, so it MUST be socially okay to do the same.’
(3) Adults need ‘bullying’ classes as well. We need to continually learn about ourselves and how we react in different situations and more importantly, how we make others feel through our behavior. Mindfulness is an important trait that will make us all better people.
How do YOU react under pressure or when personally attacked by another? How do kids handle bullying in Coronado OUTSIDE of school?
Akshay facilitates workshops on leadership, communication, and teamwork for adults and children with Ziksana Consulting. Read his Behavior Blotter for more on his work and his observations. If you have any ideas for stories, please contact Akshay at [email protected]
