I can’t count how many times in the last three months in which people have flaked on me.
Here’s my definition of ‘flake’: someone who commits (verbally or in writing) to do something in ADVANCE, and then fails to keep that commitment at the last moment. Now you may say there’s subjectivity in the term ‘last moment’ but I contend that to each person that definition is ALLOWED to vary.
Of course, there are varying degrees of flakiness. For example, if you made a plan with Sheila at 10 AM to have coffee at 4 PM, and then she bails at 2 PM, I consider that to be a low grade flake (also the most common form)….this is almost an acceptable level of flakiness as neither of you had plans ANYWAY as of that morning.
Another example, is when you hold a meeting date 3 months in advance, and then bail 3 days in advance of the meeting. Although this seems excusable due to the number of things that could have led to the change between planning and actually meeting, it has a higher impact of flakiness as one of the parties has HELD that date for longer than the other and has said NO to other commitments thinking that both parties would keep that commitment. Get it? Okay here’s a “simplified” version.
Degrees of flakiness:
(1) The brain fart flake: one who makes a commitment as an act of a brain fart, only to realize thereafter that it cannot be kept due to other brain farts of forgetfulness, laziness, and obliviousness.
Common culprit: self, friends, acquaintances, friends who don’t want to say no in person but do so over text.
(2) The legit flake: one who just forgets it all. By ‘all’ I mean even forgets to call or text to apologize for their own flakiness. I drove to La Jolla for a meeting only to be met by someone PASSING the message along that the person I was meeting couldn’t make it. There was no phone call to warn me not to come, just the excuse when I arrived.
Common culprit: people who schedule meetings that are ‘low priority’ to them or have done so as a common courtesy as opposed to authentic interest.
(3) The ‘long con’ flake: one who makes plans months in advance assuming they will be busy in the interim. Then realizes as the day comes closer, that they’re too busy to commit to that day and will have to push it off another few months or weeks. Rinse and repeat action. Who are these people busy with in the interim? How did THEY get on their schedule?
Common culprit: Busy people who like to fill their calendars and weekends with activities but end up not following through with a lot of plans because they are overwhelmed, are unable to commit, or just generally lazy.
If someone has a legitimate (authentic) excuse for missing their time with you, then in my books, that’s not a flake. The very word ‘flake’ connotes a degree of un-authenticity…perhaps people will flake less if they kept in mind how they may feel if someone flaked on them.
Tell us which type of flake YOU are and share your latest flaky story!
Akshay observes and writes a weekly blog on everyday human behaviors. He facilitates workshops on leadership, communication, and team work for adults and children with Ziksana Consulting.
