Wounded Warrior wives at spa day held in April by the Mother, Lover, Fighter, Sage Foundation
In April, eCoronado.com featured a story on local author and advocate for women’s empowerment Barbara McNally, whose recent candid memoir, Unbridled, discussed her journey to independence and self-discovery. The article focused on McNally’s Mother, Lover, Fighter, Sage Foundation, which regularly hosts events to further enhance the lives of women, including annual spa days for the wives of our nation’s wounded warriors. It’s a time for these caregivers to come together for rest and relaxation and to connect with other women who are experiencing the same struggles.
Recently, McNally’s foundation, together with the Armed Services YMCA hosted one such spa day for the wives of wounded warriors at the Hotel del Coronado.
“The spa day was a huge success. The women who have navigated the system to get help inspired the newer women to seek the services offered by the military for support, such as counseling, education, and childcare,” says McNally. “The support group helps the women see that they are not alone and validates that their life has changed dramatically, too. Even after their husbands’ physical wounds have healed, the invisible, emotional injuries are harder to heal.”
Below are Barbara’s words on the lessons she’s learned from these warrior wives and how they can serve as inspiration to women everywhere.
Almost two million men who served in Iraq and Afghanistan are healing, not only from physical injuries but the emotional scars, and so are their families. Learning to live with post-traumatic stress, traumatic brain injury (TBI), and physical disabilities takes work, by both those who have been injured and the loved ones who take care of them.
Recently I spent time with the Wives of Wounded Warriors support group, which helps women adjust and cope to the “new normal.” These women are caretakers to their spouses who have experienced amputations, broken bones and traumatic head injuries, among other things. The women support their husbands through months in the hospital and years of physical therapy-all while raising children, working and maintaining a household.
Here are five lessons I learned from these inspirational and strong women that we can all apply to our lives:
1. Keep a Sense of Humor
Sometimes things just suck and humor goes a long way. These courageous women say they’d rather laugh than cry because crying gives them a headache. During lunch they tell stories of laughing with their husbands over bedpan mishaps, bed baths, and their husbands chasing them in a wheelchair. They look for the comedy in tragedy, developing a sense of humor to roll with the hurdles of rehabilitation.2. Take Breaks
These emotionally resilient wives know self-care is non-negotiable. They have to take care of themselves, just as a mother must eat right and get rest to feed her children. It’s a daily practice and commitment that strengthens their ability to care for their husbands and children. Ranging from engaging in exercise and meditation, talking to a friend, having a cup of tea, or just going for a walk around the block. Wives of Wounded Warriors also have spa days sponsored by The Mother, Lover, Fighter, Sage Foundation so they can not only enjoy the luxury of a massage, but also learn new coping skills in a supportive group environment.3. Focus on What’s Right, Not Always What’s Wrong
These women have reminded me that “where attention goes, energy flows.” They cultivate what they want by tapping into the resources that the military Family Care Givers and the Armed Services YMCA offer: free childcare, respite care, and life-skills classes. Ultimately, emotional resilience is about attitude. By focusing on the positive they live more in the solution than the problem. Gratitude does go a long way.4. Find a Mentor
The military has a saying: “Lead to serve.” The best part of getting these women together is the ability to learn from others who have been there and made it through. The experienced wives serve as role models and mentors. The women who have already navigated the system help those new to the rehabilitation process. This inspires me to be a mentor and find role models in my life.5. Find Mental Toughness Through Therapy
“In front of my children and my husband I must be strong. I am the rock of the family caring for my husband and children. I can’t crack.”But you can’t be strong 100% of the time and that’s when professionals can help. All of these women have been willing to ask for help from respite care and mental health professionals. It helps to talk to someone with whom you can cry without feeling guilty, and you learn coping methods to grow inner strength, work through grief and emotional resilience.
The bonus lesson is in learning to practice acceptance.
The Wives of Wounded Warriors taught me that acceptance is not the same as compliance. It’s not giving up and letting the stress take over; it’s about experiencing the emotions and trusting that you will bounce back.
If you are interested in donating to the Wives of Wounded Warriors organization, contact Barbara McNally at [email protected].
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Mary Douglas
Staff Writer
eCoronado.com
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