“My body has become nothing but a cage, a source of pain and constant problems. The illness I have has caused me pain that not even the strongest medicines could dull, and there is no cure. All day, every day a screaming agony in every nerve ending in my body. It is nothing short of torture. My mind is a wasteland, filled with visions of incredible horror, unceasing depression, and crippling anxiety, even with all of the medications the doctors dare give. Simple things that everyone else takes for granted are nearly impossible for me. I can not laugh or cry. I can barely leave the house. I derive no pleasure from any activity. Everything simply comes down to passing time until I can sleep again. Now, to sleep forever seems to be the most merciful thing.” – Daniel Somers
Background on Howard and Jean Somers’ son Daniel
Dr. Howard and Jean Somers’ son Daniel left behind an articulate letter explaining why he decided to end his life. His words, so haunting and yet so well spoken, were the last words of a young man suffering from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) as well as post traumatic stress (PTS) upon his return from Iraq.
Daniel Somers was a CA Army National Guardsman who tried so hard to assimilate back into the civilian world when he returned from his deployment to the Middle East, but Gulf War Syndrome took the ultimate toll on his life on June 10, 2013.
Howard and Jean Somers, who have been residents of Coronado since 2005, when they permanently moved from Arizona, knew when Daniel returned from Iraq that he had changed. Physically he appeared fine, but the Daniel they knew and loved had changed as he was burdened with invisible physical and emotional scars from the war.
Jean’s eyes well with tears as she prepares to discuss what Daniel was like before he left for Iraq. As she regains her composure, Howard begins, “Daniel was incredibly bright, incredibly sensitive, very inquisitive; he was really a good kid. He was your prototypical nerd. We were flabbergasted when he decided to volunteer, understanding that he volunteered for the National Guard, and presuming that he wasn’t active duty Army. That changed in a heartbeat since this was 2003.”
He continues sharing memories of Daniel, the younger of their two sons. “He would literally give his friends the shirt off his back. He was known to do that. If he had something extra, he would give it to you. He was a musician; he was self-taught on the guitar and the piano. We used to say that he would know pretty much the lyrics of any song you could hear on the radio, any genre, and he could tell you the song, the artist, the album it came from.”
They’re parents who remember Daniel for who he was, including his minor imperfections. Howard says, “He wrote incredibly well,” as Jean laughs and interjects that Daniel was “a terrible speller.” Howard chuckles as he agrees with her. Howard describes Daniel as being “not really focused with what he wanted to do.” He speculates that Daniel’s lack of focus is the reason his son signed up for the National Guard.
Daniel was gifted when it came to technology, and would actually build his own computers. He was also a certified auto mechanic. He married before he turned 19, and was still trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life when he signed up for the National Guard.
Daniel’s paternal grandparents were living in lower Manhattan on September 11, 2001, and Howard and Jean think that “affected Daniel to some degree with his decision to enlist.”
“We think that because of his overall makeup what he went through in Iraq and what he did, what he saw, what he felt, what he was asked to do really, really affected him,” Howard surmises.
Jean shares, “He had a really strong sense of moral justice. He empathized with homelessness. He was very, very sociable. As a child he was very aware of what was going on around him. I remember when Voting for Kids first started, he was in third or fourth grade, and one of the politicians came to the school, obviously thinking the parents would come out for this. Daniel walked right up to her, and asked her some question about how she felt about something.” Both Jean and Howard laugh as Jean recalls the politician’s reaction saying, “She was just not prepared for that. He really felt like he should have a say in what happened.”
When Daniel returned from his second deployment to Iraq, neither Howard nor Jean, who are both in the medical profession themselves, had any idea of the number of concussive events Daniel had experienced. “We didn’t realize that a concussive event could lead to a traumatic brain injury,” Jean says. “That is something that was not even on our radar until we started on this journey, and learned about it. I do remember him calling me from overseas, and telling me that they were near an IED (improvised explosive device). Somehow he was blown down from the turret into the Humvee, lost consciousness, and could not really hear anything for three days. It never dawned on me that that could lead to something else.”
Jean continues, “We didn’t know until when he got back, when we asked him, and he told us, ‘I couldn’t even tell you how many concussive events I had.’ ” Howard speaks about his son’s humility saying, “Daniel being Daniel, he was eligible for a Purple Heart, and refused it. Can you imagine?” Jean adds, “Because he didn’t feel like he was injured enough to earn a Purple Heart. He was very humble.”
While all of Daniel’s injuries that qualified him for a Purple Heart were physical, it was the “moral injuries” that Howard and Jean feel caused Daniel the most pain. Howard shares, “We really feel that was a huge issue that affected him; the moral injury aspect of what he experienced over in Iraq. Just reading his letter, you can tell. What he experienced in Iraq was just devastating to him.”
In the military, people have to follow orders, and don’t have the luxury of questioning whether they agree with those orders, especially in times of war. While Daniel shared a couple of stories with his parents that gave them some insight into what he experienced in Iraq, they know that he didn’t share the majority of the stories. Following orders “doesn’t mean that you really agree with it,” Howard says. Jean mentions that in Daniel’s letter he wrote about the “innocent women and children who were caught in the crossfire,” and Howard comments that Daniel used the word “complicit” in it. Howard asks, “Who uses that word? Complicit.”
Even when Daniel returned from his first deployment to Iraq, Howard and Jean could already see changes in their son. “He was very, very nervous; very antsy if you will. Couldn’t sit still; wouldn’t ever sit with his back toward the door,” Jean recalls. She remembers how the whole family went to a wine festival together; Daniel was constantly making sure all of them were together in a group. “He did not want anyone straying. That was so unlike him. That was my job. When he was a kid, he was just oblivious to his surroundings. He would just wander off someplace.” Howard laughs as he shares the story about how they almost lost Daniel at an airport when he was little because he just started following another pair of legs instead of his mom’s, and how Daniel was halfway down the jetway before they found him.
The Creation of Operation Engage America
When Daniel returned from Iraq he was living in Phoenix, Arizona, where the VA system was critically flawed at the time. “We didn’t know where we should suggest he should go,” Jean says, remembering her frustration. “We were totally out of our element. We had no clue what resources were there to refer him to. On the same token, we didn’t know where we should turn to get educated. Who could help us deal with even trying to talk to him about these issues? He was so reluctant to share things with us; it was a combination of shame, embarrassment, and he didn’t want to hurt us. He wouldn’t share major things with us, and we didn’t know how to tell him it was okay for him to do that; that that’s our job.”
After Daniel committed suicide, Howard and Jean were determined that they needed to do something to help veterans and their families. They had already lost Daniel, but surely they could try to prevent other families from experiencing the same heartache.
After doing research themselves, Howard and Jean realized that the support network available to veterans and their families was “totally different” dependent upon which part of the country people were seeking help. “We thought, ‘We should go into as many communities as we can, and try to find out what those resources are, and share them with those people.’ You can find them [resources], but you have to Google them. It takes hours, and is a huge process,” Jean says. That’s when they decided to start Operation Engage America.
On its website, Operation Engage America states, “We offer support, awareness, education and resources for Veterans, First Responders and their families living with post traumatic stress and traumatic brain injury and for those in the community who want to support them and be a part of the solution. Our fairs include resources to help all Veterans & Military to successfully transition to civilian life.”
Howard and Jean have partnered with another set of parents, Lisa and Jeff Naslund in Iowa, who lost their son the same way the Somers family lost Daniel. The Naslunds, who found Howard and Jean through social media, put on three Operation Engage America events in Iowa each year.
As part of their Operation Engage America work, Howard and Jean do advocacy work in Washington, D.C. at least once a quarter, advocating for changes. They work very closely with the VA in providing feedback on some of the VA’s work. “They’ve been very receptive to some of our issues,” Jean says. She and Howard spoke in D.C. about how when Daniel was seeking help at the Phoenix VA one of Daniel’s doctors, a mental health professional, at the end of Daniel’s appointment said, “I’m leaving so you’ll have to make an appointment with someone else when you come back.” Howard and Jean discovered that a provider could leave the VA with no notice, leaving patients feeling abandoned, and advocated that health care professionals need to provide a ninety day notice so patients, such as Daniel, can have consistent care. Starting over from scratch, especially when it comes to mental healthcare, can leave patients feeling even more isolated and exhausted.
Since they founded Operation Engage America, Howard and Jean receive emails all the time from all over the country, with people searching for resources in their hometowns or seeking answers for specific problems. “The San Diego VA has just been incredible,” Jean remarks. “There was a time when I bet at least once a month I was emailing or calling the VA, saying, ‘I’ve got this person in Tennessee (for example), can you at least connect me with the director there so we can get something done?’ ” According to Jean, the director of the San Diego VA would answer, ‘I will do it,’ and he would not only make the connection, but would even do the follow through. “I can’t tell you how many times someone just reached out, and we were able to make a difference for that particular person,” she reflects. “It’s knowing who it is you need to contact to be the squeaky wheel,” she adds.
Howard and Jean have also been invited to speak on CNN to host Brooke Baldwin, who interviewed them on May 31, 2014 and again more recently on May 30, 2016. (See additional information at the conclusion of the article for links to the interviews.)
Operation Engage America’s Annual San Diego Resource Fair
In 2014, the first year when Operation Engage America held its first resource fair in San Diego, there were twenty-two vendors. Last year there were eighty. This year, there are at least one hundred. “Every year more people [veterans and their families] hear about it, and say, ‘I think we’re a fit for this.’ I would have never have found them if we didn’t have this,” Jean says.
Howard says, “Our frustration, even the first year, is that we get the vendors, but getting the people to the event who really need the event is the real issue. Even if we only had twenty-two vendors the first year, almost the most positive thing is that they [the vendors] got to talk to each other, and they were able to connect and find out who else was out there in the same space trying to do the same thing maybe with a little different approach; hopefully making contact so that if they see somebody, and they’re [the vendor] not a good fit for someone, maybe they know somebody [another vendor] who can then help secondarily. That’s a big part of it. We try to bring people together. We try to have an hour before the event actually begins for the general public so that the vendors, while they’re setting up, can basically get to know each other, and have a social hour.”
Jean says, “The goal is to do warm hand-offs. You don’t just tell somebody, ‘Oh, I heard about this organization. I think their name is this,’ and then expect that person to go research it.” She says that instead she and Howard believe it is essential to personally call people or email those organizations, and ensure that the person who needs help is “on the radar” of the organizations that will hopefully be best suited to provide that assistance. “As computer literate as Daniel was,” she reflects, “we don’t really feel he took advantage of those skills.” If someone is already feeling depressed, telling that person how to go seek help might not be sufficient because that person might not have the energy or desire to follow through with seeking assistance on his or her own. “We think the best way to handle that is if you can handhold a person and connect them with the next person, they can keep making progress,” Jean adds.
Howard says that Operation Engage America “has a really good national partner in the VA (U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs).” Howard compliments the VA, saying, “They’ve been really supportive. What we try to do, we try to stay away from using the word ‘suicide’. We don’t want people to automatically relate PTS or PTSD to suicide. Not only is the suicide prevention coordinator there, we have benefits people there, people from Choice (Veterans Choice Program) there, so there are a lot of VA resources there. One of our more popular speakers is the lead chaplain for the VA, and he gives a talk on moral injury. We are also partnering with Tri-West Healthcare and locally with 211 San Diego, who sponsor Courage to Call.” (When a veteran, active duty member, or a dependent is connected with Courage to Call, he or she can speak with a veteran who knows what it means to serve, someone who understands the military culture.) Howard continues, “We also partner with the County of San Diego, which has also been very supportive as well.”
This Year’s Operation Engage America Resource Fair
Mark your calendars for June 18, 2016 when Operation Engage America will hold its third San Diego conference. See additional information below for a full schedule of the day’s events, which will be held at the Liberty Station Conference Center.
Last year about one hundred forty people attended the event, growing from fifty the first year. Howard remarks, “Everyone who comes benefits.” When asked how many people they are hoping will attend this year, Jean answers, “My number is always three hundred, but when I reach three hundred, then it will be five hundred. Right now three hundred is a personal goal for me. Here in San Diego, it should be that.”
Jean wants to reach out to family members, and tell them, “I don’t want to scare you, but you should come to this. It’s really important to know what’s out there just in case. Look at what you do when your kid is growing up. You read and you’re aware of everything out there. You make sure that if something happens to your kid, you’re ready for it. That’s what we’re trying to tell families now. This is almost more important for families and friends of veterans to come to to learn about resources as it is for the veterans themselves.”
How can the people of Coronado help? “I think it’s good for them to come,” Jean answers. “It’s still a reasonable thing to assume that not everyone here in Coronado would know what to do if they met a veteran who said, ‘I’m really not doing well, and I can’t get into the VA,’ or ‘I don’t want to go to the VA.’ Where would you recommend that person go?”
Howard says, “There are twenty-two million veterans in the country. I think eight million are registered in the VA, and six million use the VA. That’s only thirty percent of the veteran population that is actually seen through the VA. That’s an awful lot of people out there floating around in the community. Veterans at the VA also need to use resources outside the VA. Coronado has such a huge military population that everybody knows somebody, and everybody is a member of an organization, and that’s what we think would be very helpful; is to be able to spread the word. Not only come themselves, but just spread the word. We’ve got family organizations, we’ve got Navy and Marine, Army and Air Force. There are so many different organizations out there that we can’t even begin to know who they all are. That’s what we’re talking about; getting the word out so people are aware of the event.”
The event on June 18th starts with a fun run at 8:00 am. Howard says it’s more of a fun walk rather than a fun run, and that no one will be timed. “It’s not a race, and we’re not crossing any streets,” he says, encouraging participation from as many people as possible. Breakfast will be served for all of the runners who participate in the 5K.
The resource fair itself starts at 9:00 am and goes until 3:00 pm. “There’s plenty of time to come by, and just see what’s out there,” Howard says.
For those interested in signing up for the 5K or attending the Resource Fair, see the event link in the additional information below. Guest speakers will make presentations in the morning and then again in the afternoon, and Operation Engage America requests that people register in advance to ensure that guests have the opportunity to listen to all of the guest speakers.
This year’s keynote speaker is Heidi Squier Kraft, PhD of the Psych Armor Institute, which “provides free online education and support on how to work with, live with, and care for military veterans.” Kraft is the author of Rule Number 2: Lessons I Learned in a Combat Hospital.
Other guest speakers featured at the Resource Fair will include Chaplain Larry Taylor, Chief of Chaplain Services at the San Diego VA, Melissa Comeau, author and Elizabeth Dole Foundation Fellow, and Ryan Loya, an active duty Marine and Board Member of Honoring Our Troops. Loya himself suffered a traumatic brain injury when he was blasted by a 30-pound IED.
Howard, who is a member of the Rotary Club of Coronado, is hopeful that some of his fellow Rotarians will join him and Jean at the event on June 18th just like some of the Rotary Club members joined them at last year’s event. The Rotary Club of Coronado is a sponsor and supporter of the event. Howard and Jean frequently give talks about Operation America and their advocacy work, and talked to the Rotary Club about Daniel and their continued work to help veterans and their families.
One of the last lines in Daniel’s letter was, “I am free. I ask that you be happy for me for that.” While it is doubtful that Howard and Jean will ever feel “happy” the way that Daniel asked, no one can argue that they haven’t done everything in their power to help veterans and their families try to reach their own well-being.
Additional Information
To register for the Operation Engage America 5K or Resource Fair on June 18, 2016, click here.
To view Howard and Jean Somers’ interview with CNN host Brooke Baldwin from May 31, 2014 click here.
To read the transcript of Howard and Jean Somers’ interview with CNN host Brooke Baldwin from May 30, 2016 click here.
